Of Visions and Foundations...

In educational and parenting circles we often talk about laying a good foundation for learning, but that is not the first step by any means.

We are in the beginning process of building a cottage on our farm. [see the pink line representing the position of our cottage/retirement home?] Well, we not building it ourselves, but are having it built according to our dreams and specifications. And guess what? We have already done a lot of the leg work, and the pouring of the foundation has not even begun! We have gotten the building permit, the septic study is done, the electricity ordered, our funding lined up, a construction drive/road has been put in, and last night we staked out the actual location of the cottage. All this had to be in place before the builder can get the walk-out basement dug out--AND then he can pour the concrete foundation.

But before all this was done, we had to have a vision of what we wanted. We had to have a plan-a goal-something we were aiming for. Without the vision of what could be accomplished with the funds we have, we could not have designed a floor plan and without the floor plan we could not get a building permit and without....you get the idea.

I started thinking about parenting and homeschooling in this light. We can't really lay a good foundation if we don't have the vision and goals for our kids. I mean, if we don't have a target goal how do we know what we are aiming for? We can't really lay a foundation until we have an over-arching goal for our kids and our families.

I guess what I am saying is, what is your goal? Do you know? Have you thought about it, or are you just sort of camping out on the hill with no thought of laying a foundation?

Goals can change over the years, but I found that if you deliberately choose a goal, write it down and aim for it, it is much easier to lay a good foundation. You might wonder what kind of a goal I am talking about. The one that I wrote down and kept close to my heart as my kids were growing up was:

"We desire that our children grow in wisdom, and in stature and in favor with God and Man."

Short, sweet and perfect for our vision. Once we had that as our goal, then it was easier to decide what things were important to support that goal, and what things took us away from that goal. It served as that target to aim for when sometimes it seemed that daily survival was all we could see.

In the midst of training children, sometimes it is hard to see our ultimate goal and we get lost in the immediate [laundry, meals, medical, dishes, housework, schoolwork, lessons, church, clubs...].

I have known many parents who want to keep their kids happy, or want to be their kids best friends, or want their kids to have a worry-free childhood. This might be nice in the short term, but usually these techniques do not produce children who have a good self image or are prepared to assume adult responsibilities when their time comes or who put others first. If the parents of in these families had had the goal of:

"Raising children to be capable adults who use their gifts and talents to help others and society,"

they may have made other choices as they were raising their children. The foundation these children had would have been very different.

I am not trying to tell you what your goal should be, but I am encouraging you to write out a thoughtful, carefully expressed goal for your family so you can see where you are headed. Then you can made decisions that will help you reach this goal. Once you have the vision, then you can build the road, lay the foundation and build the type of family you have dreamed of.

Take care,
Jill

[Both pictures are of the laying of the position of the cottage. The builder had it in a little different place at a different angle, but because I had the vision of how I wanted it to look, we pulled up the stakes and then put them in right! To follow our building project you can check out my other blog: Bluegrass Moms Perspective.]

Illegal punctuation...

I have a friend who has taught English at a Christian school in Haiti for about 9 years. Since the earthquake she and her two children have been evacuated to the US while her husband remains behind overseeing the use of the school building which is being used for disaster relief.

At any rate, she enrolled her children in our local schools. They are in 1st and 6th grades and have always attended the school in Haiti where both their parents work. So, for the first time last week, they got on a big yellow bus and went to public school in Kentucky. It is quite a change for them, but they seem to be adapting quite well.

The daughter is in middle school and is academically ready for community college. Her vocabulary and critical thinking skills are amazing--way beyond a typical or even bright student of her age. She is really loving school, except for English class.

Now in all fairness, her mom was her English teacher in Haiti, so that may play into to it some, but basically she is being taught a very formulaic writing, with lots of rules and boundaries. She is being taught things that she has probably known for years and years; as this child is quite a writer.

At any rate--she was told--she could not use dashes in her writing! Never! When she asked why, the teacher said, "We don't use them in this country."

What?

As you can see I am probably flaunting the law because I LOVE using dashes in my writing. It is what sets us apart from the animals--well maybe not that dramatic--but they are a very useful type of punctuation.

The daughter of my friend said, "That's OK, I will use parenthesis," but my friend and I really laughed about this. Here is a kid who is an amazing writer, has just been evacuated from the devastation of Haiti, leaving behind her father as well as her friends and her whole world--and the teacher won't let her use dashes!

I am reminded that people who actually follow all the writing rules rarely write anything worth reading. It is the writer who dares to break some rules, who dares to be brave enough to try something different, who dares to make themselves unique and vulnerable in print--that is the writer who writes things the rest of us want to read.

If we want dull and uninspired writing all we need to do is go into a writing class where everyone has to write the same way about the same topic at the same time whether they are passionate about it or not. That is not really writing, it is just passing time and not really profitable to the writer or the writee [spell check did not like that word, but you know what I mean].

In writing, more than anything else, we need basic tools to work with, but then we need to let the writer interpret and bend the rules so they can engage and inspire the reader.

NO Dashes?-- Banned Punctuation?-- What is this world coming to?

I mean, come-on! [Can you hear my voice? I think it is the dashes that help you hear what I am saying, don't you?]

So, this is for Susanna-------------- Use parenthesis for a while if you must but don't lose your dashes. Don't lose your creativity, your passion, your gift. Be a writer who isn't afraid to break the rules and tell us what you think. We need you and your talents--dashes and all.

Take care,
Jill

Enjoyable Two Year Olds...

I love two year olds. I always have. While most people think of the terrible twos, I always thought of it as the terrific twos.
[Kari and Arden, pictured at left]

I did licensed home day care for about five years when we lived in Florida. It enabled me to stay home with my little ones and earn some money. My favorite year or two of doing this was when I had Kari and two other little girls that were two years old and then the following year too. I had a few other kids come and go, but these three with the ones that I had five days a week, nine hours a day.

I loved it, and it was sweet seeing the relationships grow between the girls.

This all came flooding back to me this week when my niece, her husband their and two year old daughter came for Thanksgiving. Kylee just turned two in October and she was an absolute delight.

I think she is probably genetically good natured, but that by itself would not account for the way she charmed all of us. Her mom and dad gently corrected her and re-directed her when she needed it. She played by herself really well and also was very gentle with our dog. She had us all laughing a lot of the time with her concern for the two dogs. At one point she took out every single dog toy and toy by toy brought each one to our dog and laid it in front of her. She was so proud to be able to help the dog in that way.

It got me thinking about what makes a two year old enjoyble rather than terrible. I think the main thing is consistency. When Kylee tried to do something she shouldn't, such as sitting on a basket, her mom told her not to and had her sit on a little chair or the floor. When Kylee tried to sit on the basket again, her mom quietly told her no, and directed her to sit on the floor. After 2-3 times, Kylee did not try to sit on the basket anymore. If her mom had looked the other way and allowed her to sit on the basket just one time, then all the times of saying no would have been for naught.

I read an article one time that said that most kids are like little gamblers. They can lose 99 times, but if they win just once, they think they have beaten the "house." I believe it. Parents need to be consistent with discipline 100 times out of 100 or kids think they have won and will keep trying to get away with something else. But, if you are consistent, and they know that, after trying a couple of times, they will generally quit trying. And this makes a two year old very fun to be around.

They are enthusiastic, will try anything, seem to be made of rubber they way they tumble and trip around. They are little mimics who soak up and learn just about anything. They sing and dance and laugh and are generally fearless. I love to watch their faces because you can read just about every human emotion in them. You can see fear and worry, joy and wonder. We went to Panera and there was a little child hollering in their high chair. Kylee was so worried and you could see she wanted to go over and comfort the crying child. You could see the compassion and concern on her face.

I know all children are not as delightful as Kylee, and I have parented children that were not as compliant--but even my hardest children were fun as two year olds. I had to be consistent, but watching them develop their imagination and their confidence was really a great experience.

I think we should embrace two year olds--they are a lot like us, before we develop negative self-confidence or embarrassment issues.

The world is new and exciting every morning when you have a two year old. Their wonder is infectious. I love it!

Take care,
Jill

Photos, top to bottom--some of my kids at two years old: Kari and friend Arden; Cris, Kari, Dusty

If only you were all like me...

On the Sonlight® Club Forums last week there was a thread started where the original poster basically said that she was tired of people who said that their kids wouldn't do their school work, or that the family didn't have time to do their school work, or that the kids wouldn't help with chores and on an on. This person said that people just need to do it! Make their kids mind, quit whining, take control, get on with it! No excuses!

If they would just do things her way, all would be well.

It made me think of an old episode of "Doug." I can't even remember how many years ago it was on TV, but Kari and Scotty used to watch it and they are 20 and 23 now and I don't think they have watched Saturday morning cartoons for years! Doug had this dog named Porkchop and they had lots of adventures, but the one I remember best is when Doug wonders why everyone can't be just like him. He knows what is best, what works--in short how to live the perfect life.

Just be like him.

Well, he has a dream and guess what? Everyone is just like Doug. They dress the same, think the same, go to the same places. I can't really remember all of the ramifications, but I do remember the thing that makes Doug realize that diversity is good. He goes to get an ice-cream cone. His favorite flavor is Buttery Brickle [I think I am remembering right] but there isn't any of his favorite flavor anywhere. Not one bit! Why? Because it is everyone's favorite flavor; and right then and there Doug realizes that everyone being just like him is NOT a good idea.

I couldn't help thinking of this episode when I read the very long thread that insued after the original poster basically told everyone if they were more like her, their kids/schools/families would be wonderful.

Would they?

I don't' think so. I think we need to appreciate our differences and certainly if someone asks for advice in an area where they struggle it is only right to pass along how you do things; but to assume that the way I do something will work in your home is unrealistic and a bit condescending. Many of the forum ladies pointed out that she had not walked in their shoes, did not have the children they have, the spouse they have, the responsibilities and the challenges that they have. Everyone is not the same and one size does not fit all.

I think the biggest shame in today's parenting philosophies is that there are so many choices and so many who think they have all the answers--whether anyone wants to hear them or not.

• There is attachment parenting and the opposite--is that detachment parenting? Perhaps not, I think it is more of a scheduled approach.
• There is the public school, private school, charter school, homeschool issue. Which is better?
  
• Then, if you decide to homeschool, there is homeschool on line with minimal parent involvement, literature based homeschool and unit studies with high parent involvement, distance school, traditional textbook approach, video classes, etc.

And what is right? I think each thing is right for certain people at certain times. And for anyone to presume to know what is right for another is insulting. Just because Sonlight is THE perfect curriculum in my mind, does not mean it is perfect for you and your situation.

Can't we still be friends? Can we still respect each other? Can we extend grace and love to each other, especially when one of us is down and feeling whiney?

And if not? If everyone needs to be like me in order for the world to go on it will be pretty sad, because in no time at all there will not be any Coconut Almond Fudge Ice Cream left anywhere.

Toys and Christmas

With Christmas right around the corner I thought I would remind people that when buying for children, try to remember tools not toys. So, rather than make a new post I will refer you to my previous posts:



Tools Not Toys
How to Tame your Toys
Ideas to Beat Boredom
Great Christmas Sale on Books and "Tools" for kids-70% off selected products. [These are great deals, blocks, board books, games, misc. books]

I hope this helps as you do your Christmas Shopping.

Take care,
Jill

Applesauce Day...

If you know me well, you will probably have heard about Applesauce Day. It is an annual event--first a bit of history.

[My filled jelly cabinet with jam, soup, salsa and of course, applesauce!]

When I was a child my sisters and I helped my mom can tomatoes, peaches and a variety of other produce. She told stories of when she was a child how Grandpa would put the old canning stove under the tree in the back yard because it was cooler that way. I wish I would have asked if it was electric, gas or a wood stove.

At any rate, they would wash the jars in the back yard in tubs of hot soapy water in preparation for canning. It was a lot of work! [We just put the jars through the dishwasher.]

[Top, apples cooking; below, my son Dusty milling the apples. He put cooked apples in the top of the hopper, cranks the handle and like a miracle, the applesauce comes out the front while the peels and seeds go into a bucket to compost.]

When canned goods first started appearing in stores my Grandma and her friends thought that only lazy people would buy canned fruits and vegetables. I mean, who would do that when you could can your own? How times have changed since then.

At any rate, through the years Mom and I canned applesauce. When we moved to Kentucky in 1992 Mom and Dad would bring apples down from Michigan [on their way back down to Florida] and Mom and I [with some help from Dad and a bit from the kids] would can applesauce. We used archaic equipment and it was really hard work.

[Various friends and family cutting the apples--before you can cook them, they need to be quartered and the blossom end cut out. With back to camera, daughter in law Molly, to the left Jenny and daughter Kate, and new recruits Karen at end and Tricia in foreground.]

This continued till the year my dad died. Mom started to decline with Alzheimer's and she went to live in Michigan permanently-no longer making the treks down to Kentucky with apples. The first year she was not coming I was kind of depressed. I mentioned this to Bob--I mean it is kind of like when someone dies and they won't be at Christmas anymore--except we hadn't celebrated Christmas with my parents for years. But, when fall came, and Mom and Dad weren't there to help me do applesauce, it was really, really hard for me.

[Friends Bethel and Kenji put more applesauce through the mill.]

Bob said, "Maybe you need to modify the tradition. Make applesauce with our kids to carry on the tradition." That was good advice, except our kids were not interested at that time. Too young.
[Jenny and Kate with youngest daughter Violet in foreground, Kenji with son Kai on floor, our son Dusty [back to camera] and daughter in law Jen in Living room.]

So, I called up my friend Jenny who now has 5 children, but I think she and Keith only had two back then, and asked if she wanted to come over for "Applesauce Day." She did. That first year I think we canned about 60 quarts, split them and called it a day.

[Karen and my daughter Kari putting the applesauce into jars, ready to process.]

Since that day in 2001 the tradition has grown. This year we canned 7 1/2 bushels of apples, yielding about 62 quarts and 112 pints, plus we ate a LOT. So, here are some photos of applesauce day 2009.

[ Photos: Karen and Kai tasting the sauce. Isaac to right eating some applesauce too. #2- Some of the completed applesauce, #3 Keith reading to his three youngest kids. As you can see, applesauce day is a family event! I think it would make Mom and Dad smile.]











Take care,
Jill

Dear Jill...

I received a note from a homeschooling dad expressing his frustration that he can hardly teach his two young children because each takes so much individual time. Here is part of his very good letter [names have been changed]:

"I'm finding that right now, my big challenge is coordinating things. Robin is six and her math takes a lot of time and attention. So while I'm doing Robin's math with her, it's hard to figure out how to keep Jacob busy and engaged with useful activity, without interrupting Robin's math. And vice-versa. If I'm involved in 2nd grade math with Jacob, it's hard to keep Robin engaged with something useful, without interrupting Jacob.

"Also, since both kids are young, there are constant questions and a lack of ability to solve their own problems...so I'm constantly jumping back and forth from one child to the other. I like to finish one task before starting another. That really doesn't work with home school, as in my case, I'm teaching 1st and 2nd grade pretty much simultaneously in the daytime."

The implied question is, "How can I get it all done?"

I hear this over and over as I talk to parents throughout the Midwest. I replied to this dedicated father in the following way and my husband thought I should share my response in case it might encourage other homeschooling families.

..................................
Dear Friend,

I have a couple of suggestions. First off, I would not do two separate curricula with children so close together. Please think about having them share whatever is practical, such as science, social studies/history and Bible. There is absolutely no reason to teach each one separately. When you teach children together you will not only be simplifying the teaching, but they will be learning together which will forge strong family bonds. You will probably hear them reinforcing what they are studying with each other during non-school time because they are studying the same thing.

I am not sure what curriculum you are using, but even before I used Sonlight Curriculum with my children, I combined them in many subjects. In fact, one year, I wrote unit studies so all my children could learn together. They were in 9th, 7th, 5th and 1st grades plus we had a 3 year old to make things more interesting! Obviously the 9th grader understood more than the 3 year old, but we all learned together at our own level. Just like when you have Bible study—all can join in, but each takes something different away from it.

I am not sure what math you are doing, but generally I would sit at the table and start one child off while other children worked on handwriting, or spelling or maybe just had a 10 minute break. Then I would start the other one off and sit at the table and kind of help both/all the children at the same time, going from one to another. If this doesn’t work, then schedule 30 minutes with each child while the other one is doing silent reading, tidying up their room, cleaning the bathroom, etc. If they take longer than 30 minutes, make it a two day lesson, or have them do what they didn’t get done as homework. There is really no reason for math for a 1st grader to take a 45 minutes or more. Slow down if it is too hard. You are building a foundation you can build on later, not trying to win a race.

If you are doing a traditional curriculum they are frankly a LOT of busywork because they are designed for school use. Cut out some stuff, don’t do it all. You are the teacher—you control what your children do at what pace. When you were in school did you EVER finish a text book? Didn’t the teacher skip some chapters? The books are your tools, you are their master. Many folks let the curriculum be the master and they are the servant. Don’t get into that trap. You are the master, the books are your servants. Don’t let them be in charge.

I am fully convinced after homeschooling our five children for 17 years that there are only three things to teach our children [as far as academics]:

• To be able to read and comprehend [This would apply to most subjects, even math. If they can read it and comprehend it you have done your job.]
• To be able to think critically about what they have read and form opinions [This does not mean doing the questions at the end of the chapter. This means having thoughtful discussions with your children about what they have read or what they are learning about]
• To be able to communicate back [orally and via the written word] what they know or think about a subject

They do not necessarily need to learn about every time period in history. They don’t necessarily need to learn how to diagram sentences or a lot of other things. What they need is to be able to read about a subject, understand what they have read, think about it and what the implications are, and to communicate it back. You cannot teach a child everything. Can you? I know I don’t know everything. But, if you can teach them to read and think and communicate they can approach any subject, job or situation with confidence.

I truly believe that today’s schools do not teach children to succeed because they don’t teach them to think. Yet, our whole lives involve thinking. When you get a job, no one asks you to do a multiple choice test—they give you work and expect you to be able to read the material, figure out what to do and do it.

I suggest when you have the time you may want to read “A Thomas Jefferson Education” by DeMille. He has some wonderful insights about the difference between an education like our founding fathers received and the "assembly line" education of today's schools.

I also suggest that this year you try combining the children in some subjects. I think you will all benefit. And if you are not reading good literature to your children, you might want to ditch history and just read to your children some of the Childhood of Famous American books or other historical biographies and/or novels. This could be done as bedtime reading to break up the day a little bit. You will all learn a lot and it will be much more enjoyable. If you plan to homeschool for the long haul, then I think it would be nice if it was enjoyable for you too.

Feel free to use what you can from my suggestions and toss what would not work. Homeschooling is a job. It is not easy, but it is the most rewarding job you will ever have and it will reap huge benefits.

Blessings,
Jill

Homeschool Blog Awards Nominations...

Nominate your favorite homeschool blog. Go here to see the details. If you like this blog, you might want to consider nominating it in the "Homeschool Mom" category or another category you think is appropriate.

Driver's Ed...

I am not an expert on teaching kids to drive. I don't have the nerves or patience it takes to get in the car with a teen and teach them how to actually keep from killing themself or someone else. In fact, when Cris was learning to drive and I was a mere passenger in the back seat I shouted out, "We're all going to die!" I couldn't help it. I really thought we were all gonners.

At any rate, my husband is an amazing driving teacher. He taught all our kids to drive.

I gave birth, he taught to drive. We call it even!

But, we did learn a great way to make sure our kids had plenty of experience on the road before we allowed them to take their road test to get their license.

We had them log 2000 miles with Bob or I supervising. Every time they got in the car to drive, they had to jot down the miles and then jot them again when we returned home. I generally felt comfortable sitting in the co-pilot seat after they had logged 1000 miles.

Let me tell you--two thousand miles is a lot! To get that many they will have driven back roads, expressways, during the day, the night, the rain and if you live in northern climates, even the snow. It takes commitment on the part of the parents and the teen, but it is time and gas money well spent. By the time you teen takes their road test you will feel confident in their driving ability.

Also, it takes the pressure and strain off the parents as to saying when a teen is ready. Instead of saying, "You aren't ready for the road test because..." you can just ask how many miles are logged and when you child reaches that mark, you take him. It is not subjective at all--but totally objective and everyone knows the expectations.

I know many states have minimum driving requirements, but even if they say the child needs to drive 50 hours, makes sure they also have 2000 miles. The 2000 mile goal is did not originate with us. Years ago my sister heard a judge say that he had observed that the most and worst accidents caused by teens were by inexperienced teens. He said that if they had at least 2000 miles under their belt they were exponentially better drivers than those who didn't. We took his advice to heart and I think it was some of the best advice we ever took.

I wanted to pass this advice on to those of you with pre-drivers. Please, have your children keep a log book, make them log 2000 miles, then take them for their road test. You will be glad you did.

Take care,
Jill

Nobel Prize won by former home-educated student...

Did you see the news this week? Willard S. Boyle is sharing the Nobel Prize for Physics for his work in developing the sensor that is widely used in digital cameras.

Born in Amherst, Nova Scotia in 1924, Willard moved to northern Quebec when he was three years old because his father took a job as a doctor at a lumber camp.

He was homeschooled by his mother until he went to high school in Montreal. [Way to go Mrs. Boyle! ]

So, if people question your homeschooling, you can say, "Hey, the last guy to receive a Nobel Prize in Physics was homeschooled."

You can read more about Boyle by going here: http://news.puggal.com/willard-boyle-9202/

Take care,
Jill