Socializaton...should I be worried?

Years and years ago when we decided to pull Cris out of school because of a variety of problems, nobody talked about the "S" word. What they said back then, 20 years ago, was "He'll never be able to go to college."
"You realize you are destroying his chance of having a profession, getting higher education, etc."
"If you pull him out now, he will never be allowed back into public school later if you change your mind."

You get the idea.

We even got a letter from the superintendent saying this very thing. I wish I had saved it. It would be laughable.

But, evidence showed just the opposite. Homeschool kids flourished and have gone on to college, military and excel in a variety of professions, jobs and trades. Many are raising the next generation of homeschoolers.

Studies have shown that homeschoolers outperform traditional schoolers on every achievement test given.

So, about ten years ago, the nay-sayers changed their tune. Since they couldn't argue about the educational deficiencies of homeschoolers, they started throwing "socialization" at us.

"Your children won't be socialized."

I guess they think they will be like Mogli, raised by wolves and a big bear? They won't know how to....What? I mean what really won't our kids be able to do? What do they mean by socialization?
When I went to school if kids talked in class the teacher would look stern and say, "We are not here to socialize." That's right, we were there to learn.

But, somehow, it doesn't matter if we provide a quality education-our kids need to be socialized. I looked up socialization in a few places, and this definition seems to fit what folks think our kids are missing:

The adoption of the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture; "the socialization of children to the norms of their culture" wordnetweb.princeton.edu/perl/webwn

But is this what we want? Do we want our children to adopt the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture of 35 other age mates? I don't think so.

What most of us want for our kids is to be socialized to be independent adults, good family members, participating members of society--but we also want them to stand apart. Not to adopt the behavior patterns of the surrounding culture, but to be leaders and ambassadors for Christ.

And, according to the latest study done by Brian Ray, 98% of homeschoolers are involved in at least 2 activities outside of the home. They are getting lots of social experiences with people of all ages and ideas. They are not isolated and kept apart, but they are trained by working along side of their moms and dad, sisters and brothers--trained to be functioning members of society while getting a great education.

So, if someone asks you about socialization, feel free to ask them what they mean. Do they mean your child won't have social opportunities? If that is the case then I am sure you can let them know that you won't be keeping your child in a closed room all day without any human contact.

If they mean you will be depriving your children because you won't be keeping them locked up with their age-mates all day so they can become more like them, then you can let them know what you think about that! You may want to ask the parents of the public schooled children, "Aren't you worried about socialization?"

Take care,
Jill

Note: The picture at the top of the blog is of a T-shirt available from http://www.greathomeschooltshirts.com/

The Great Experiment Works!

When we began homeschooling in 1990 it was a pretty scary thing to do. It was THE Great Experiment. It was fairly uncommon and in many places it was just starting to come out from being an underground activity. When we withdrew Cris from school, the administrators told us that our son would never get into college and might never be admitted to public school in later years if we changed our minds. They sent us a very intimidating letter that I wish I would have kept just so you and I could both see how ridiculous it was.

I will admit that homeschooling can be pretty intense and intimidating--but so can parenting! But, if you are reading this my guess is you are a parent or would like to be one some day and you are willing to undertake the task, no matter how hard. And rest assured, parenting and homeschooling are so worth it--they are hard but oh so rewarding. Does anything worthwhile come easy? I don't think so.

I want to encourage you that the GREAT Experiment works! I remember when our youngest started college after being homeschooled forever--I looked at Bob and said, "The Great Experiment worked!" Whew! What a relief!

Let me say, that academically and socially our kids did fine as they went on to colleges, universities, jobs and marriage. I am proud of each one of them for their character, good work and family ethic, and on a lesser note, that they keep my computer running! No kidding, what would I do without my computer kids to keep me up to date and on line? But I digress...

But, more than this, is the close family we have. I LOVE that our kids get together all the time for movies, picnics, concerts, lunch every Friday and on and on. They really encourage and support each other. Kari told me the other day that one of her roommates commented that Kari has so many brothers, couldn't the roommate "have" just one to be her brother.

Of course she was just supposing, but Kari said, "No. I need all of my brothers. I need each one differently. I couldn't spare one--I need them all."

And that is why I think the Great Experiment Works!

In this day of fractured families and everyone out for themselves--with all the texting and declining of face to face interpersonal relationships, homeschoolers are bucking the trend. I know my kids are family oriented and really like each other.

I think by each family making the sacrifices it takes to homeschool their children, they are investing not only in the next generation, but investing in generations to come. If we can raise committed family members I think we can be ambassadors in this world by showing people that families can get along and enjoy one another. It gives dysfunctional families hope that in-tact families really do exist outside of Leave it to Beaver and Ozzie and Harriet.

I know when Kari was in college, sometimes she would bring friends home for a meal to show them that old fashioned families really do exist. They thought she was making it up when she said we had supper together every night, that we talked and laughed with each other, that we used the TV very little--that we had a white picket fence and that her parents really did love each other. Sometimes I feel like we are so normal, and then other times I feel like a cultural oddity.

I know many families who don't homeschool that have great relationships that are rewarding and functional --but I know even more homeschool families that are this way. Homeschooling gives children [and parents] more quality and quantity time with each other. The older children help the younger and everyone realizes they are an important part of the family. And if you read aloud regularly to the whole group, they share common literature and stories which help bond them as they get older and leave home.

I think it is easier to have the kind of family you always dreamed of when you homeschool--mostly because you have more time to spend with your children.

So, my science lesson for you today is that our hypothesis was proven correct--Homeschooling works to prepare kids academically, socially and it promotes strong happy families to boot! What could be better?

Take care,
Jill

[Photos from top to bottom: Chad and his wife Molly and Cris' wife Jen using a cross-cut saw on a family outing to a Maple Syrup Farm; Chad and Scott ready to take part in the Fourth of July parade; Our picket fence; our family a couple of years ago--out on our farm for a picnic.]

Keep your preschoolers home....

Remember my posts Play is Work and Does Your Child Need Preschool? Now I have a bit of scientific evidence to back me up.

I just read a fascinating article which pretty much proved what I have said for years, preschools are not better than staying home with mom or a loving nanny or grandparent.

• According to researchers at Stanford and the University of California.Drawing on a massive, national database of over 14,000 children from diverse backgrounds, researchers examined the effects of preschool attendance on interpersonal skills, self control, and rates of aggression.

The results were remarkably clear:

“We find that attendance in preschool centers, even for short periods of time each week, hinders the rate at which young children develop social skills and display the motivation to engage classroom tasks, as reported by their kindergarten teachers” (Loeb et al 2005)."

Ahh, social skills are hindered! What? I thought homeschoolers were the ones that have the poor social skills! I mean, isn't that the main argument against homeschooling?

And this:

• Similar results were reported by the National Institute of Child Health and Human Development (NICHHD), which conducted a rigorous longitudinal study on the effects of childcare on children under 5 (National Institute of Child Health and Human Development 2003).

Over a thousand children were tracked from infancy to kindergarten by investigators at over 20 prominent research universities.

Researchers found that the more time kids spent in non-maternal care during the first 4.5 years of life, the more behavioral problems they developed.

Problems included defiance--like talking back, throwing temper tantrums, and refusing to cooperate. They also included aggressive behaviors--being cruel, destroying toys and other objects, and getting into physical fights.

Pretty interesting stuff--actual studies with lots of kids--and I have a lot anectodotal evidence to back this up--I think I will post some in the next couple of days. :)

I have posted about this very thing but this is the first really great evidence that actually proves what I know is true in my heart.

Children need to be home. They need to be in a small one-on-one relationship with a loving caregiver, like a parent,or grandparent or even a loving nanny. Did you ever notice how God gave us children one or two at a time--not litters? [At least before science got involved in the business of artificially induced pregnancy!] I have to think that God knew what he was doing when he put babies, mostly one at a time, into families. Perhaps that is where they thrive and develop best?

Keep your preschooler home. For kids, play is work. They don't need socialization with a bunch of age-mates, they need quality and quantity time with a loving caregiver who models what true socialization is.

Take Care,

Jill

For more of my Pre-School thoughts and suggestions:

• Results of a Scientific study-Why you should keep your pre-schooler home
  
• Play is work-Is Preschool Necessary?
• Tools or Toys? A lesson from my Dad
  
• How to tame your toys--Some practical advice
  
• Ideas to Keep Preschoolers happily occupied
• The Top Three Things You Need to Know if You Have a Pre-schooler