Seinfeld on Parenting...

This has gotta be good, right? I mean, Jerry Seinfeld's three rules of parenting have got be something that I could criticize, right? I had all sorts of funny comments I thought I could make about his parenting rules.

So Here goes-Jerry Seinfeld's Rules for Raising Children:

• Rule #1: The Poison of Praise: "We tell our kids, 'Great job!' too much.
  

I agree with him. In fact, I think I blogged about this somewhere. Yep, here it is, in the post about narcissism.

• Rule #2: Poison of Problem Solving: "We refuse to let our children have problems. Problem-solving is the most important skill to develop for success in life, and we for some reason can't stand it if your kids have a situation that they need to 'fix.' Let them struggle--it's a gift."

I agree with him here too. We have all read about helicopter parenting and how the parents want to fix everything and do everything for the child. I was amazed that wonderful caring parents like my husband and I were THE ONLY parents not to show up a college orientation when Scotty went a few years ago. I mean, why do I need to get oriented? I already graduated from college and did my orientation all by myself. He is the one going to college--he is a big boy--he can forge his own paths without us hovering around.

In my town there is a Christian Liberal Arts College. It is rumored, though the college would probably deny it, that they started a "Parents Orientation Group" several years back just to get them out of the way so they could "orient" the students without having to have all the parents in the way.

I think, perhaps, teaching children to be part of the family, to do chores and contribute, might be the way to start training children who can problem solve for themselves.

• Rule #3: Poison of giving children too much pleasure: Example of this, according to Seinfeld is a woman comes into a deli with two children and buys them all HUGE cookies! "Can you believe this?" Seinfeld says, "It's 5:30 pm--when do they have dinner? At 8?"

I think back in the old days we called this spoiling or over-indulgence. But, again I have to agree with this master of comedy; I think this is a problem that is all too prevalent with parents today.

Seinfeld's theory is: "We feel so guilty for destroying that [childhood] innocence--which is what we did---so we're now trying to repair that by creating perfect childhoods for our children."

I am not sure about that.

I think the problem is that most parents have so little time to spend with their children that when they are with them they don't want any conflict. They want fun, happy times--not times where they have to be the big-bad-mommy [or daddy].

But, Seinfeld's last comment had me feeling like he was a kindred spirit: "Kids are not going to do what you tell them to do or think like you tell them to think," he says. "Kids are watching how you deal with that waiter or that handyman, and they are probably more likely to imitate you."

Ah, that is right on. Character is caught not taught.

So, hats off to Jerry Seinfeld! Under that funny exterior lies a lot of child-rearing wisdom.

Who Knew?

Take Care,
Jill

Seinfeld Quotes taken from The Parade Magazine, 2/14/2010

Pictures, top to bottom: Parenting in the 50's--Bob with his Mom, sister and brother.
Parenting in the 80's-Bob holding Dusty, My sister Joy holding Chad and I'm holding Cris.

Never Tease a Weasel...

Over the years, I have had many people ask me about how to teach positive character to their children. Years ago, I thought you could teach it through books specifically designed for this purpose. We checked out books with titles like "Let's Talk about Whining" and "Let's talk about Lying" from the church library. We still own a book called "Never Tease a Weasel." It has been well over a decade since I have looked at this book but I can still recite:

                       Never tease a weasel,
                       Now there's some good advice.
                      A weasel will not like it,
                     And teasing isn't nice.

But, you know what? Those books did not help one bit to teach my kids not to whine, lie or tease. It was like the books were one thing, life another.

My husband went to a seminar once and brought home some beautiful books with animal lessons. Each animal was supposed to teach a Biblical truth, a character trait for the children to emulate. They were beautiful books with matching coloring books. The kids enjoyed the stories and learning about the animals. One year I had Chad [then late middle school age] teach a lesson every week to Kari and Scotty for their science. The books were that good!

There were ducks and wolves and all sorts of interesting facts woven into the fiber of the underlying theme of teaching character. They loved those books! But, just because a baby duck has to obey his mother at the first call or he will be left in the nest of the hollow tree to die, it didn't make my kids want to obey when I first called. And, if you follow the logic of the book, the mother duck had some serious character issues of her own if she would leave a baby behind just because he didn't obey her the first time she called. I mean, he was her baby, after all.

Then I understood! Character is caught not taught!

The way to teach children how to be honest, is to be honest. [harder than reading a book called "Let's talk about honesty."]

The way to teach children compassion is to be compassionate.

Scary huh? You know it's true. Kids watch us like hawks and they don't miss a trick. They see if we give back the extra quarter the clerk gave us in our change. They see if we help a neighbor or look the other way so we can avoid them. They know if we pick up the phone when we know it is our mother-in-law on the other end. They hear us gossip. Don't get discouraged! Granted, we are not perfect and we make mistakes; but I think realizing that we are teaching character when we think our kids are not looking, will make us better parents-- better people- and better ambassadors for Christ! And, we don't have to be perfect to do a good job.

Character is caught, not taught.

Next time I will talk about another way to share your core beliefs related to character with your children. [Never Tease a Weasel part 2]

Take care,
Jill

[Photos: The kids learning the value of hard work and being good workers; Chad reading to siblings, showing kindness and compassion]